Why are you an introvert?

You go to the internet to find out what defines an introvert, and you stumble upon a definition that suits exactly what you, in life, normally go through: "you are an introvert if your energy is drained in social situations."

Great definition! Or is it? Have you ever taken the time to think about that definition? Your energy is drained in social situations. But why? What drains it?

If you go for a run, your energy is drained. If you study for hours, your energy is drained. Think about it. Your energy is drained when you do an activity that demands lots of energy.

When you are socializing, what is the activity you are doing that is demanding so much energy? You are just there. Listening to others, smiling, laughing, maybe talking a little bit too. You can do the same thing in your bedroom by yourself, and your energy won't get drained. You can do the same with your best friend or family members that you feel really comfortable with, and your energy won't get drained. Then what's different? What's the activity that's draining your energy? There has to be something more that you are doing when you are out socializing.

Answer:

You are trying to be someone for others. Someone who is not really you. Acting, putting up a mask, pretending to be someone or something else requires a lot of energy. That's because every single thing you do or say is conscious. It has to be; you cannot let go and just be yourself. You need to be on top of it all the time. If you let go, you may say or do something silly or stupid, out of place, maybe uncalibrated or overall rude or weird.

In conclusion, if it's you who is consciously putting up this persona for others, then, unfortunately, it's also you who is to blame for making yourself an introvert. Remember the definition: "you are an introvert if your energy is drained in social situations." Since you are putting all this energy into socializing, you are making yourself introverted.

I was born like this

You may be thinking you were born this way. There's nothing you can do about it; you cannot help being like this. How can you even control your mind? If it was that easy, you would've already done it many years ago. The truth is that, yes, you may have a predisposition to be like that, but it was you who didn't fight back. It was you who allowed this characteristic of yourself to take hold of you.

People are born with issues; there's an infinite list of challenges and problems one can come to life with, but you are also born with a conscious mind that allows you to have free will and puts you in the driver's seat. So you are in charge, and you are who decides if you will work against those obstacles or allow them to define who you are.

You don't have to be an introvert. You don't need to be an extrovert either. You don't need to be anything really. These labels are just inventions, boxes we created that you or others can put you into.

It's not like if you stop being an introvert, you'll become an extrovert. The key difference will be that you'll stop spending so much energy.

So, don't be an introvert, don't be an extrovert, be yourself.

If you stop thinking about all the things you are or should be doing while socializing, your energy won't get drained anymore. Because, most of the time, you won't be doing anything, you'll be just there having a good time.

Covid and introverts

Did you know that after Covid many people reported not being able to socialize as they used to? [ucf.edu]

Affected people felt like they lost their social skills. If you ask them, they'd describe themselves as extroverts before the pandemic, and now they feel they don't fit into that category anymore.

What does this mean? It means that if you are having difficulty socializing, you might have been born with a tendency for introversion, but practice can change how you feel about yourself and about others.

If people who were inherently introverted thought all their life they were extroverted, then how you were born is only one piece of the puzzle.

How can we help you?

At Good Social Skills, we proudly offer our help to people that suffer from social anxiety, shyness, or not knowing how to interact or socialize with others.

It is possible to change yourself if you so want to. It's possible to become a social person if you put effort into it. We can help with that and make your path much easier than going on yourself.

One of the best ways to improve is to roleplay social interactions that would happen in real life or that you find difficult. In our sessions, you will do that all the times that you need. Improving only by practicing and getting feedback, not by reading books or watching video tutorials. Practicing with other real humans is the best way to improve your social skills.